Return of the blogger

Wow, so it's been a very long time since I last made a post in this blog! I have decided to start making more regular posts again, or at least try to, in an attempt to get me into the habit of writing more frequently again. I have still updated the odd post on my livejournal account, but that journal is reserved more for all the other stuff in my life. My livejournal doesn't have a theme, I just put whatever the hell I like in there, and use it as a way of finding out what is going on in the lives of those friends of mine who still use it.

Since my last post, I have achieved some of the goals I was working towards in my life and i'm currently in the process of achieving more goals, and this makes me happy.

Spiritually and magickally, things have been kind of interesting. My coven just sort of fell apart last year due to various reasons and I am now back to being a Witch Alone for the forseeable.

Whilst I do miss working in a coven (the structure of group work, the motivation it encourages, the drama of the rites etc) I must say that I am enjoying the freedom of solitary work right now, and feel like I can go at my own pace. It is also working wonders for my self-esteem.

I continue with regular meditation, and I ALWAYS learn something new from a meditation, it is an eternal teacher. I have been exploring my astral temple frequently.

I have been working with the goddess Hekate now for quite a long period. I perform devotions at least once a week and have a permanent shrine space for Her. I burn oils for her, usually patchouli or cypress. I offer her garlic cloves and honey. It struck me recently, that perhaps one of the reasons I have been so called to working with her a lot is because, in my magickal and spiritual life, I am in something of an inbetween state (again! though this time it is in terms of my magickal life, rather than my mundane life, I have a job now!) but the links have not been completely severed. My group may be salvaged at some point in the future, but then again, it might not!

I definitely wish to be in a group structure again, but just how long it will be until this happens, I do not know, and for now I am enjoying the ride! The lack of a physical teacher figure in my life is forcing me into following my own intuition more and doing things my way. I have not abandoned the ways of my tradition, I use the same ritual protocol and techniques I have been taught, because these are special to me, and effective. But of course, my tradition has always been experimental. Whilst the ritual structure and certain ways of doing things, are always used, precisely what flavours and fills my rites is now down to me and me only. If I wish to experience a deity or spirit or try a new form of magickal working, it is my choice as to how I go about doing it, and so far, it seems to be going well.

I have been working a lot with crystals and stones for a while now, this was prompted by my purchasing of David Rankine's "Crystals Healing and Folklore" I possess a pretty good selection of various crystals (most of which were purchased quite a few years ago when I first fell in love with the mineral kingdom and their magical potential) I am using crystals a lot in conjunction with meditation and dreamwork.

I have been exploring working with servitors. I have been engaging in more trance journeying, and I am learning more and more about how to communicate and interact with spirits (for want of a better word)

I am also undertaking an email correspondence course in astrology for tarot readers, following on from the natal chart I had done for myself by an astrologer friend I met a couple of years ago through the shop. The course is very laid back and I can do it in my own time.

In terms of reading, I must say that my most valuable literary purchase of late has been "The Encyclopedia of Spirits" by Judika Illes (awesome, amazing author) I love the book so much (along with all her others) that I told her so over facebook, and she replied straight back with a huge thank you and told me how much it means to her when she gets these lovely comments from readers of her books who share her passion for Gods, Saints, Spirits and spells!

I cannot recommend her work highly enough, the amount of research that must go into her books makes me feel dizzy with awe. Check out her website.

And finally, for now, seeing as I am in the mood for sharing online resources, I would like to draw attention to "The Unnamed Path" as an interesting series of podcasts for gay male occultists, check it out here.

Expect more posts soon!

It has been too long since my last post. I visited my family in Spain for a week during Easter. My Spanish family come from a very beautiful and idyllic city called Toledo. It is situated in central Spain and is about an hour's drive from Madrid. Toledo is ancient and has a very rich history. During the middle ages it was the traditional centre for those who wanted to study Kabbalah and astrology and magic as many texts were translated there. It has been a traditional centre for Muslims, Jews and Christians and has a notable Arabic stamp on the place, which you can see in the architecture especially.

Easter is big in Spain and dramatic processions take place through all cities and towns every night up until Easter Sunday. In Toledo the processions usually began at midnight and would often continue on up until 3am!

I have been reading "The Mystery Religions" by S. Angus and have been reminded of just how much Christianity (especially Catholicism) drew from these religions. The processions certainly made use of many of the techniques enjoyed by those who participated in the old mystery faiths, those Catholics really know how to create drama! Dramatic music, enforced periods of silence, the ambience of the night, the flickering candlelight, the whispered prayers, elaborate and ornate icons and costumes all blend together into a well loved and time proven recipe for a heady religious experience. This is a little video I made by compiling various bits and pieces of footage, the result is a little creepy!



And now I am back home again and working towards the same goals. Beltane was pleasant and saw my first leap over a bonfire, as is traditional at this time of year. I am grateful for my friends and loved ones and even though I am still in this state of limbo in my life, I can feel the presence of something fresh just around the corner.

A Wiccan theological mess from the inside of my head.

So it's time that I expand a little on some of those points I mentioned that came up in a discussion with friends during the Equinox. This post is about monotheism in Wicca and how Wicca can be regarded as monotheistic. I touch equally (or possibly more) on some other theological frameworks and see whether these can be applied to Wicca.

Wicca is monotheistic?

"In the name of Dryghtyn, the Ancient Providence,
Who was from the beginning and is for eternity,
Male and Female, the Original Source of all things;
all-knowing, all-pervading, all-powerful;
changeless, eternal.

"In the name of the Lady of the Moon,
and the Lord of Death and Resurrection.

"In the name of the Mighty Ones of the Four Quarters,
the Kings of the Elements.

"Blessed be this place, and this time,
and they who are now with us."

It is clear from a quick read through of this blessing prayer from the Gardnerian tradition (Original Wicca) that a monotheistic theology of oneness is being expressed. I first read this prayer a few years back in Patricia Crowther's autobiography (she is a famous Gardnerian High Priestess for those that aren't familiar) This prayer has been with Wicca since the beginning. Incidentally, the term "Dryghten" is an Anglo Saxon Christian term. I have been told that it means "Risen Christ". Whether Gardner was aware of this or not, he obviously liked the word and chose to include it in the liturgy of the rituals of the Craft.

In my tradition the Goddess and the God, Herself and Himself, are but two sides of the same coin, two halves of the whole. The whole is that ultimate source, it is the limitless.

I have heard and read definitions that Wicca is duotheistic, and even some that Wicca is polytheistic. I can see that the Craft is duotheistic (to a point!) in that it's theology is expressed in the reverence and recognition of two divine beings(I won't use the word "worship" even though I am personally comfortable with it, as this opens up a whole new argument that I am not going to go into here) These two divine beings are, as mentioned above, two halves of a whole.

So the next question is, where do some people get this idea from that Wicca is polytheistic? I am pretty sure that this term is used by some people as a result of what they think Wicca is, based on the popular mainstream image that Wicca has for so many people today. Fluffy/Mainstream or "Pop" Wicca to use a term common in my circles to refer to the phenomenon, is what happened when people started getting the idea that Wicca could still be Wicca without training and covens and initiations, without any real structure, continuity or tradition. Mountains of books have been written on "Wicca" by Pagans who have never been in a traditional Wiccan coven. Sometimes the authors themeselves have never even spoken to someone from a traditional Wiccan background. The result is a horrible mess. We have now reached a point where we have books on what the author thinks is Wicca, written by someone with no knowledge or training, based entirely on what the author has read in other books on Wicca, which themselves were also written by authors who haven't received any training or spoken to anyone from a traditional Wiccan background.

To sum up (before I turn this discussion into a rant) popular books on Wicca often give the idea that Wicca is a DIY religion. People can believe in what they want to believe and do whatever they want, as long as it is inside a circle into which the elements have been called then it is Wicca! It should by now be pretty clear what my opinion on this matter is, so i'm not going to go there! What a lot of "Pop Wiccans" may be surprised to know (well to be honest, they would be pretty much surprised by most of the facts of traditional Wicca) is that the idea of calling upon random deities from different cultures has never really been a part of the tradition in any major sense.

Most traditional covens will regard themselves as calling the same two deities in their ceremonies everytime. Whilst the opinion is that different deities from different cultures are but different aspects of the Goddess and God (this is expressed in the Charge of the Goddess, "Listen to the words of the Great Mother, she who of old was also called....") this practice of invoking Greek, Egyptian, Norse or whatever specific deities into the circle, was not originally a part of traditional Wicca. Whilst there are traditional Wiccan covens now that practise this, the view is usually expressed that the deities are but aspects of the Goddess and God. When a traditional Wiccan mentions "The Gods" in the context of their tradition, they are referring to these two divine beings.

Some particularly traditional Gardnerian (Hard Gards) and Alexandrian covens never invoke Gods of other pantheons, focusing purely on the Wiccan Gods, The Goddess and God, The Lord and Lady, if they use these terms. Their names are secret. If my coven ever invoked a specific deity from a pantheon, it would be strongly emphasised that this deity was a particular mask. To make things trickier, some of us traditionalists may work with other deities outside of Wicca, but usually this is regarded as something separate from The Craft. I feel the need to have a clear boundary between my Wiccan work and my Isian devotional work. My Wiccan theological framework still informs my work with other deities in that I still regard Isis or whomever I am working with, as being an aspect of The Goddess (or The God, if I am working with a God) who is one side of the ultimate source.

To return to the point about polytheism (finally!) I feel that the reason so many people think of Wicca as polytheistic comes from the popular books which give the impression that Wiccans are invoking deities from random pantheons all the time.

However, i'm not going to completely do away with this term! If one insists on the word "polytheism", Wicca could, I believe, get by with being classified as "soft polytheism" (as long as it's expressed in a duotheistic way, mind you!) Soft polytheism, as I understand the term, indicates a recognition of mutiple Gods as different manifestations of one source. Hard polytheism, is the belief that all the Gods really are totally separate entities with no underlying connection between them. They are not different masks or manifestations, they are individual beings. To make things more complicated (it ALWAYS get's more complicated) I think a soft polytheist still needs to wear a Hard polytheistic helmet when communing with the Gods! Having a conversation with a Godform can be tricky at the best of times without having that theologian in the back of your head saying "It's a mask! It's a mask!"

Phew! So as you can see, if you are still with me, we are all bonkers and you should just go home and have a nice cup of tea!

The truth is (big fat cliche alert) These are all just labels. I can understand Wicca being classed as monotheistic, duotheistic and, to an extent, polytheistic. Are you confused? I know I am. I suppose this is why we are a mystery tradition.

Sitting Meditation, I finally got round to it.

I have both read and been told that sitting with yourself with no expectations, focusing on your breathing and just being is one of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself. I had been planning on adding a sitting meditation to my daily practices for quite some time and today I took the plunge and set myself 20 minutes of sitting. It wasn't boring. So often we are unable to listen to ourselves properly because of all the outside stimulus going on. Often we find ourselves thinking of either the past or the future but rarely do we give the present moment our full attention. You might be sitting on a bus or walking to work and thinking to yourself about that programme you saw last night on television, or thinking about how you are looking forward to going to that party on the weekend. Sometimes even taking yourself on a walk through the countryside doesn't expend your full attention as the natural scenery just ends up being a backdrop to your own inner soap opera.

Turn the TV off, the computer off, any music off and sit down, take a breath and relax into the moment. You will find yourself becoming more aware of outside noises, don't try to ignore them, just let everything be. Today as I sat with the window open I heard every tree branch swaying in the wind and every distant bird cry brought a genuine smile to my face. Most people that practise this meditation regularly find that sitting brings about states of bliss and I found myself beginning to touch that today on my first attempt (OK so 10 years worth of other forms of meditation has probably come in handy)

Answers to questions you haven't allowed yourself to fully ponder will flow up to the surface of your mind and you will become aware of gentle flashes of insight as you sit, open and aware as the world goes about it's daily business around you.

I found sitting meditation to be of course, very similar to other forms of meditation I practise but the significant difference I found with sitting is that even the simplest and most natural form of meditation I practise still involves a little visualisation and pattern of breathing combined with imagery. I enjoyed this difference, I enjoyed sitting. I'm going to add it to my daily practises.

Equinox

I had a fascinating discussion with my High Priest this Equinox. My mind is still trying to process everything I remember, i'm still digesting! My next couple of posts will probably be dedicated to some of the various topics we went over. I'm going to be touching on some of the following themes for my next post, i'm just trying to organise my head at the moment so this list is mainly of benefit to myself;

* Why Wicca is secretly monotheistic (and by the way, I do not mean secret in the sense that this is something non-initiates are not allowed to know, it is just something which many books on the Craft only touch upon)
* The idea (which my tradition has) that Wicca is NOT Pagan. There will be a mention of the problem with terms such as "earth centred religion" or "nature religion"
* Attitudes towards prayer in Wicca.
* What idolatry is and why i've been taught that it is a trap we should strive not to fall into.

Random train of thought.

I have problems with what most people call Real Life. I know that when I was born I took a long time about it, I was overdue and the birthing process was long. My mother told me that it was as if I didn't really want to be born and that apparently it might somehow indicate how getting on in the Real World has always been a bit more of a struggle for me than it is for a lot of others. This haunts me from time to time. I don't let it rule me, I believe I should be responsible for my own life and not blame it on outside factors. I have been trying hard, but it is still not enough. I am just going have to keep trying.

I've been out of full time employment now since 2009 began. Sure, I have my Saturday job, but it cannot provide me with enough money to save for myself and my future, and pretty soon I won't even have that due to the upcoming closure of the business. I have been in this state of limbo now for three months and occassionally it gets me down. So many people feel worthless when they are not earning regular money and I am no exception. For some reason i've noticed in my life that when I am unemployed, a job usually turns up after three months, so i'm kind of banking on something coming up soon. I suppose that my time has not been completely wasted in that I have had a little experience with the field I am pursuing, but it is just not enough. Then there is that fear that when I finally do secure myself a job that it will be something painfully dull. I've never had a job that gave me any kind of satisfaction. When I have worked full time it was when I lived in my own place and had to pay rent, bills, council tax etc and I was never left with any money over for myself after all of those things were paid for. In other words, I barely earnt enough money to get by. The cost of living is too high. Now that I am in a position where working would enable me to save money since I live with my family again, no jobs are turning up.

I have of course, worked various magics. They are manifesting in little pushes in the right direction, something comes up but then it never follows through. Failure leads to lack of self-esteem and confidence and faith in oneself, all those good things you need in order to cast a successful spell. It's like being stuck in quicksand. I feel weaker and more helpless, sinking faster.

I failed to get another job today. I was talked out of staying any longer for the induction day I had today and was told that the world of sales was not for me. I knew this already but it still kind of hurt to be told this. In a sense I am relieved and have promised myself never to apply for a sales job ever again. I can't do it. I cannot persuade people to give me their money in return for something they don't truly want or need. I can't do pushy. Really I should just be glad that I must be a somewhat decent human being, but tragically, in this world, the less decent you are as a human being, the more likely you are to succeed in making money. And all the jobs I see on offer are sales jobs!

I live in a society where women can earn thousands of pounds by displaying their plastic orange bodies on the cover of magazines for men to masturbate over. A society where men can earn thousands of pounds for being good at a ball game which is played on a piece of grass. A society where people who care for other people, whether through nursing, caring, teaching etc get paid a lot less. A society which gives some of the highest financial rewards to those who don't give back anything truly worthwhile.

I don't really know where I am going with this post. I suppose I just want to say that we should never give up. I feel weak now but I might feel a little stronger again tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that. I've been in this situation before and i'm sick of feeling helpless about it. I'm just going to keep on going and continue to work on myself. I won't give up. A very common lesson many people try to teach us, but like so many of life's lessons, we can only truly learn from them once we have been in the relevant life situation and God knows i've been in this situation more times than I care to recall.

I've been struggling with my daily practices (all except the Yoga which I still manage to get done daily) My Isis work is probably a few days a week but not every day. The only thing I can honestly say that I have practised daily all these years is prayer.

I need to review my daily practices structure. It's time to break out the Book of Shadows again and go through my training exercises once more.