It has been too long since my last post. I visited my family in Spain for a week during Easter. My Spanish family come from a very beautiful and idyllic city called Toledo. It is situated in central Spain and is about an hour's drive from Madrid. Toledo is ancient and has a very rich history. During the middle ages it was the traditional centre for those who wanted to study Kabbalah and astrology and magic as many texts were translated there. It has been a traditional centre for Muslims, Jews and Christians and has a notable Arabic stamp on the place, which you can see in the architecture especially.

Easter is big in Spain and dramatic processions take place through all cities and towns every night up until Easter Sunday. In Toledo the processions usually began at midnight and would often continue on up until 3am!

I have been reading "The Mystery Religions" by S. Angus and have been reminded of just how much Christianity (especially Catholicism) drew from these religions. The processions certainly made use of many of the techniques enjoyed by those who participated in the old mystery faiths, those Catholics really know how to create drama! Dramatic music, enforced periods of silence, the ambience of the night, the flickering candlelight, the whispered prayers, elaborate and ornate icons and costumes all blend together into a well loved and time proven recipe for a heady religious experience. This is a little video I made by compiling various bits and pieces of footage, the result is a little creepy!



And now I am back home again and working towards the same goals. Beltane was pleasant and saw my first leap over a bonfire, as is traditional at this time of year. I am grateful for my friends and loved ones and even though I am still in this state of limbo in my life, I can feel the presence of something fresh just around the corner.

A Wiccan theological mess from the inside of my head.

So it's time that I expand a little on some of those points I mentioned that came up in a discussion with friends during the Equinox. This post is about monotheism in Wicca and how Wicca can be regarded as monotheistic. I touch equally (or possibly more) on some other theological frameworks and see whether these can be applied to Wicca.

Wicca is monotheistic?

"In the name of Dryghtyn, the Ancient Providence,
Who was from the beginning and is for eternity,
Male and Female, the Original Source of all things;
all-knowing, all-pervading, all-powerful;
changeless, eternal.

"In the name of the Lady of the Moon,
and the Lord of Death and Resurrection.

"In the name of the Mighty Ones of the Four Quarters,
the Kings of the Elements.

"Blessed be this place, and this time,
and they who are now with us."

It is clear from a quick read through of this blessing prayer from the Gardnerian tradition (Original Wicca) that a monotheistic theology of oneness is being expressed. I first read this prayer a few years back in Patricia Crowther's autobiography (she is a famous Gardnerian High Priestess for those that aren't familiar) This prayer has been with Wicca since the beginning. Incidentally, the term "Dryghten" is an Anglo Saxon Christian term. I have been told that it means "Risen Christ". Whether Gardner was aware of this or not, he obviously liked the word and chose to include it in the liturgy of the rituals of the Craft.

In my tradition the Goddess and the God, Herself and Himself, are but two sides of the same coin, two halves of the whole. The whole is that ultimate source, it is the limitless.

I have heard and read definitions that Wicca is duotheistic, and even some that Wicca is polytheistic. I can see that the Craft is duotheistic (to a point!) in that it's theology is expressed in the reverence and recognition of two divine beings(I won't use the word "worship" even though I am personally comfortable with it, as this opens up a whole new argument that I am not going to go into here) These two divine beings are, as mentioned above, two halves of a whole.

So the next question is, where do some people get this idea from that Wicca is polytheistic? I am pretty sure that this term is used by some people as a result of what they think Wicca is, based on the popular mainstream image that Wicca has for so many people today. Fluffy/Mainstream or "Pop" Wicca to use a term common in my circles to refer to the phenomenon, is what happened when people started getting the idea that Wicca could still be Wicca without training and covens and initiations, without any real structure, continuity or tradition. Mountains of books have been written on "Wicca" by Pagans who have never been in a traditional Wiccan coven. Sometimes the authors themeselves have never even spoken to someone from a traditional Wiccan background. The result is a horrible mess. We have now reached a point where we have books on what the author thinks is Wicca, written by someone with no knowledge or training, based entirely on what the author has read in other books on Wicca, which themselves were also written by authors who haven't received any training or spoken to anyone from a traditional Wiccan background.

To sum up (before I turn this discussion into a rant) popular books on Wicca often give the idea that Wicca is a DIY religion. People can believe in what they want to believe and do whatever they want, as long as it is inside a circle into which the elements have been called then it is Wicca! It should by now be pretty clear what my opinion on this matter is, so i'm not going to go there! What a lot of "Pop Wiccans" may be surprised to know (well to be honest, they would be pretty much surprised by most of the facts of traditional Wicca) is that the idea of calling upon random deities from different cultures has never really been a part of the tradition in any major sense.

Most traditional covens will regard themselves as calling the same two deities in their ceremonies everytime. Whilst the opinion is that different deities from different cultures are but different aspects of the Goddess and God (this is expressed in the Charge of the Goddess, "Listen to the words of the Great Mother, she who of old was also called....") this practice of invoking Greek, Egyptian, Norse or whatever specific deities into the circle, was not originally a part of traditional Wicca. Whilst there are traditional Wiccan covens now that practise this, the view is usually expressed that the deities are but aspects of the Goddess and God. When a traditional Wiccan mentions "The Gods" in the context of their tradition, they are referring to these two divine beings.

Some particularly traditional Gardnerian (Hard Gards) and Alexandrian covens never invoke Gods of other pantheons, focusing purely on the Wiccan Gods, The Goddess and God, The Lord and Lady, if they use these terms. Their names are secret. If my coven ever invoked a specific deity from a pantheon, it would be strongly emphasised that this deity was a particular mask. To make things trickier, some of us traditionalists may work with other deities outside of Wicca, but usually this is regarded as something separate from The Craft. I feel the need to have a clear boundary between my Wiccan work and my Isian devotional work. My Wiccan theological framework still informs my work with other deities in that I still regard Isis or whomever I am working with, as being an aspect of The Goddess (or The God, if I am working with a God) who is one side of the ultimate source.

To return to the point about polytheism (finally!) I feel that the reason so many people think of Wicca as polytheistic comes from the popular books which give the impression that Wiccans are invoking deities from random pantheons all the time.

However, i'm not going to completely do away with this term! If one insists on the word "polytheism", Wicca could, I believe, get by with being classified as "soft polytheism" (as long as it's expressed in a duotheistic way, mind you!) Soft polytheism, as I understand the term, indicates a recognition of mutiple Gods as different manifestations of one source. Hard polytheism, is the belief that all the Gods really are totally separate entities with no underlying connection between them. They are not different masks or manifestations, they are individual beings. To make things more complicated (it ALWAYS get's more complicated) I think a soft polytheist still needs to wear a Hard polytheistic helmet when communing with the Gods! Having a conversation with a Godform can be tricky at the best of times without having that theologian in the back of your head saying "It's a mask! It's a mask!"

Phew! So as you can see, if you are still with me, we are all bonkers and you should just go home and have a nice cup of tea!

The truth is (big fat cliche alert) These are all just labels. I can understand Wicca being classed as monotheistic, duotheistic and, to an extent, polytheistic. Are you confused? I know I am. I suppose this is why we are a mystery tradition.

Sitting Meditation, I finally got round to it.

I have both read and been told that sitting with yourself with no expectations, focusing on your breathing and just being is one of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself. I had been planning on adding a sitting meditation to my daily practices for quite some time and today I took the plunge and set myself 20 minutes of sitting. It wasn't boring. So often we are unable to listen to ourselves properly because of all the outside stimulus going on. Often we find ourselves thinking of either the past or the future but rarely do we give the present moment our full attention. You might be sitting on a bus or walking to work and thinking to yourself about that programme you saw last night on television, or thinking about how you are looking forward to going to that party on the weekend. Sometimes even taking yourself on a walk through the countryside doesn't expend your full attention as the natural scenery just ends up being a backdrop to your own inner soap opera.

Turn the TV off, the computer off, any music off and sit down, take a breath and relax into the moment. You will find yourself becoming more aware of outside noises, don't try to ignore them, just let everything be. Today as I sat with the window open I heard every tree branch swaying in the wind and every distant bird cry brought a genuine smile to my face. Most people that practise this meditation regularly find that sitting brings about states of bliss and I found myself beginning to touch that today on my first attempt (OK so 10 years worth of other forms of meditation has probably come in handy)

Answers to questions you haven't allowed yourself to fully ponder will flow up to the surface of your mind and you will become aware of gentle flashes of insight as you sit, open and aware as the world goes about it's daily business around you.

I found sitting meditation to be of course, very similar to other forms of meditation I practise but the significant difference I found with sitting is that even the simplest and most natural form of meditation I practise still involves a little visualisation and pattern of breathing combined with imagery. I enjoyed this difference, I enjoyed sitting. I'm going to add it to my daily practises.

Equinox

I had a fascinating discussion with my High Priest this Equinox. My mind is still trying to process everything I remember, i'm still digesting! My next couple of posts will probably be dedicated to some of the various topics we went over. I'm going to be touching on some of the following themes for my next post, i'm just trying to organise my head at the moment so this list is mainly of benefit to myself;

* Why Wicca is secretly monotheistic (and by the way, I do not mean secret in the sense that this is something non-initiates are not allowed to know, it is just something which many books on the Craft only touch upon)
* The idea (which my tradition has) that Wicca is NOT Pagan. There will be a mention of the problem with terms such as "earth centred religion" or "nature religion"
* Attitudes towards prayer in Wicca.
* What idolatry is and why i've been taught that it is a trap we should strive not to fall into.

Random train of thought.

I have problems with what most people call Real Life. I know that when I was born I took a long time about it, I was overdue and the birthing process was long. My mother told me that it was as if I didn't really want to be born and that apparently it might somehow indicate how getting on in the Real World has always been a bit more of a struggle for me than it is for a lot of others. This haunts me from time to time. I don't let it rule me, I believe I should be responsible for my own life and not blame it on outside factors. I have been trying hard, but it is still not enough. I am just going have to keep trying.

I've been out of full time employment now since 2009 began. Sure, I have my Saturday job, but it cannot provide me with enough money to save for myself and my future, and pretty soon I won't even have that due to the upcoming closure of the business. I have been in this state of limbo now for three months and occassionally it gets me down. So many people feel worthless when they are not earning regular money and I am no exception. For some reason i've noticed in my life that when I am unemployed, a job usually turns up after three months, so i'm kind of banking on something coming up soon. I suppose that my time has not been completely wasted in that I have had a little experience with the field I am pursuing, but it is just not enough. Then there is that fear that when I finally do secure myself a job that it will be something painfully dull. I've never had a job that gave me any kind of satisfaction. When I have worked full time it was when I lived in my own place and had to pay rent, bills, council tax etc and I was never left with any money over for myself after all of those things were paid for. In other words, I barely earnt enough money to get by. The cost of living is too high. Now that I am in a position where working would enable me to save money since I live with my family again, no jobs are turning up.

I have of course, worked various magics. They are manifesting in little pushes in the right direction, something comes up but then it never follows through. Failure leads to lack of self-esteem and confidence and faith in oneself, all those good things you need in order to cast a successful spell. It's like being stuck in quicksand. I feel weaker and more helpless, sinking faster.

I failed to get another job today. I was talked out of staying any longer for the induction day I had today and was told that the world of sales was not for me. I knew this already but it still kind of hurt to be told this. In a sense I am relieved and have promised myself never to apply for a sales job ever again. I can't do it. I cannot persuade people to give me their money in return for something they don't truly want or need. I can't do pushy. Really I should just be glad that I must be a somewhat decent human being, but tragically, in this world, the less decent you are as a human being, the more likely you are to succeed in making money. And all the jobs I see on offer are sales jobs!

I live in a society where women can earn thousands of pounds by displaying their plastic orange bodies on the cover of magazines for men to masturbate over. A society where men can earn thousands of pounds for being good at a ball game which is played on a piece of grass. A society where people who care for other people, whether through nursing, caring, teaching etc get paid a lot less. A society which gives some of the highest financial rewards to those who don't give back anything truly worthwhile.

I don't really know where I am going with this post. I suppose I just want to say that we should never give up. I feel weak now but I might feel a little stronger again tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that. I've been in this situation before and i'm sick of feeling helpless about it. I'm just going to keep on going and continue to work on myself. I won't give up. A very common lesson many people try to teach us, but like so many of life's lessons, we can only truly learn from them once we have been in the relevant life situation and God knows i've been in this situation more times than I care to recall.

I've been struggling with my daily practices (all except the Yoga which I still manage to get done daily) My Isis work is probably a few days a week but not every day. The only thing I can honestly say that I have practised daily all these years is prayer.

I need to review my daily practices structure. It's time to break out the Book of Shadows again and go through my training exercises once more.

Isian conversations

So, Isis has inspired me to write this entry. So often when we commune with deities in meditation and prayer we find those words of wisdom slipping away like the remnants of a dream and it is important to catch the words and make a record. I have lost track of the amount of times that I have found myself thinking "Oh, i'll write this all down tomorrow, i'm ready for bed now" or, "Well i'll definitely remember that"

Tonight as I lit my blue lantern and my purple candles on the Isis shrine and spoke the words of the Prayer of Awakening, Her voice came through almost instantly. It was gentle and it was coming from behind me. I gazed at the swirling motion of the incense smoke rising up to my bedroom ceiling, watching the smoke waft around, over and through the brass cobra candlesticks, "As that smoke swirls around and envelopes those candlesticks, so I envelope you" She told me. I know it sounds twee, but on occassion I don't think it hurts to repeat some of these things. I've also been told that I need to relax more. I suffered a pretty awful panic attack over the weekend which took me almost an hour to get through. I focused on my breathing and sat it through. It's odd how these panic attacks occassionally take hold of me, they started about a year ago and up until that point, pretty much everyone I know thinks I am one of the most relaxed and placid people they've ever met. I've practised meditation for years and could always get myself into a state of deep relaxation pretty quickly. Maybe I have taken it for granted and not been so diligent in my meditation and breathing exercises and I am being reminded of the importance of it and being forced in this way to get back into the habit. The panic attacks, I fear, are a result of the brief drug phase of my life, but as those days are over, I hope that my panic attacks will be at some point too.

I was also told tonight that I am on the right path in terms of career. I have had some photoshoot opportunities come my way recently. I have one tomorrow infact which I had been feeling a little nervous about (one of the reasons I felt like I needed a chat) This is going to sound really twee again (and gay) but She told me that every woman whose face I make up, is a face of Her (I know Isis has been keen on being a representation of ALL women...at least, this is what some occultists and mystics have said of Her in the past) In a sense, every face I decorate is an act of devotion to Her. Isis likes to be striking and to command attention with Her beauty. I am on the right path, as long as I keep going with the work I am doing, I will one day succeed at crafting a career for myself out of this. I feel like one of the roles I have been birthed into this incarnation for is to decorate people and make them strikingly beautiful.

Last night I listened to T. Thorn Coyle's latest podcast. I love her podcasts. The latest one is a discussion from the Pantheacon convention - "On Deity: In this special podcast from Pantheacon, Thorn, Diana Paxson, Lon Milo Duquette, Christopher Penczak and Ivo Dominguez Jr discuss the "The Non-Dual, Polytheism and Contemporary Magic(k): Is the Divine zero, one, many, none, or all of the above?" Interesting stuff. I know it sounds like the kind of discussion topic which could go on for hours and never conclude but I got quite a lot out of it. I like Thorn's view of the Divine Zero and also what she said about the "specifics" of communion with deity. I have been reminded of this myself tonight. I think Isis loves me to talk to Her and I need to do it more often, throughout the day infact. I pray throughout the day to the Gods of the Wicca, but it is usually for generic blessings and protection rather than "What should I do about this?" or any other specific questions. So, getting more specific with Isis is something I am now putting into practise more.

And lastly, Isis got specific with me about my dietary habits. I'm going to need to have a proper think about what she has asked me to do about that though.

Concerning Vodou and breaking with tradition.

So the other night I was conversing with a Warlock acquaintance of mine who lives down south. Whilst of Jewish extraction, he emphasises that he does not regard himself as a religious person. He practices Witchcraft and has been raised by a Spiritualist trance medium and attends spiritualist circles on a weekly basis. He has recounted quite a few of his exploits in the spirit world with me, he seems to have had a lot of experience in talking with spirits of almost every kind, from the departed, to angels, deities from many of the worlds' traditions. To be honest, from what I hear about spiritualism, to me, it sounds too convenient, too easy. They appear to work from a perspective that everything out there in the universe wants to communicate with them, and at the drop of a hat they appear to be able to enter into long conversations about metaphysical matters with Gods, spirits, the dead etc

Personally I have always felt that if connection or alignment is desried with a particular spiritual entity, then, at first at least, a lot of work must be done. Not only is there the academic research, reading all the books and material you can get your hands on about the entity in question, I also believe that the connection takes time and effort, usually in the form of ritual work. If a deity is being sought, I would take the time to collect a few items sacred to that deity, build a shrine, utilising images or particular iconography if there is any available (even if it's just a case of printing out an image off my computer if I don't have the financial resources to buy a statue or picture... oh the joys of google image searching!) I usually strive to present offerings of flowers, fruits, food, incense, oils - whatever is most suitable.

My spiritualist Witch friend appears to have a much easier time of it. He reads the books, then quietly sits down and begins talking to them. It can take a few attempts he tells me, but still, the communication usually ensues.

To each their own I suppose, and I don't doubt that some success can be reached this way, but as we were chatting that night, I found myself contemplating issues of respect for the entity in question. Some entities don't demand much, I will grant you that. The position of my friend is that as he is a magickal practitioner, and is not approaching these beings within a religious framework, then he is transcending the system. He told me that for him, a big part of magick is about this transcending of outer cultural trappings. So for example, if a communication with a Hindu deity is desired, there would be no puja ceremony, just a calling out to them with a sincere heart. I feel that this begs the question that if an avoidance of the traditions and rituals of a culture is craved, then why bother attempting to address the deity at all?

Ultimately, how much effort we put into our work with deities is up to us as individual practitioners, and I think it is fair to say that most occultists find that the more work that is put in, the more rewards and success from the ritual one reaps. My personal view is that if one is to call on a deity from the ancient world, for example, one of the Olympians, or possibly a Roman deity, one of the Neteru, or a Norse deity, then an adaptation of the resources is necessary. Reconstructing the elaborate rituals some of these deities will have enjoyed in the far past is for most of us impossible. Either due to us not having enough information, or the time and resources. Some of the sacrifices that would have been made, and particularly the scale on which that they may have been performed, is a downright impossibility. Again, often down to time and resources (and sometimes legal issues - last time I checked, it was illegal to perform human sacrifice!) the rituals many pagans and occultists perform in their homes for deities will of course be scaled down and greatly adapted from what we know went on in the homes and temples of their devotees of yore. The point however, is that any practitioner worth their weight in pentacles, will have made the effort to do the study and put in the time and thought and energy into whatever ritual was being performed.

Now, working with entities from LIVING religious traditions is, for me, a slightly different matter. If you want to serve a deity or a saint or some other entity from a tradition which is alive and well in the world, then why not consult a member of that religion? If you really want to experience the goddess Lakshmi for instance, then why not take the time to go to one of her temples if there are any Hindu temples in your country? or find a Hindu devotee of Lakshmi and ask him/her some questions? If serving the Lwa is your desire, then why not seek out a Mambo or Houngan and actually research and ask questions about Haitian Vodou and practice the tradition as it has been practised and continues to be practised? A disregard for how things are done and a disinterest in the tradition that one is, let's face it, RAPING, really get's my back up.

This acquaintance of mine (who incidentally, I have not fallen out with, we just agreed to disagree because we are grown ups like that) was telling me about his experiences with the Lwa (for those that don't know, the Lwa/Loa are the spirits of Haitian Vodou that are served by Vodouisants with ceremonies involving sacrifices, food offerings, intricate dance routines and drumming rhythmns among other things) Now, a couple of years ago I actually was a Vodouisant for a year. I belonged to a small sosyete, a group of people who wanted to practise Vodou and we worked under the authority and guidance of a genuine initiated Houngan (Vodou Priest) My small bedroom in the apartment I was living in at the time, was overrun with shrines - a shrine to my ancestors, a shrine to Papa Legba (whom all Vodouisants must acknowledge as he is the gatekeeper to the spirit world of the Lwa) a shrine to my met tet (master of the head) and one other Lwa whom my group were encouraged to serve. All the shrines were created according to strict instruction, the fabrics had to be certain colours as other colours were not allowed for fear of offending the spirit in question. I cooked specific foods on a weekly basis, I used specific Catholic icons for the different spirits. I was taught some traditional songs for calling on them, a whole load of stuff, it took effort and a sacrifice of my time (and money...buying a meal for a spirit when you are strapped for cash yourself is never fun)

My acquaintance has spoken with many of the Lwa and told me about his experiences with them. He didn't give the Lwa any offerings (again, because he is transcending all of the cultural trappings) or dance or sing for them. His way was much easier and certainly more cost effective! Now most Vodouisants I know would probably say that the Lwa would most likely not show up if no one is singing for them and none of their favourite foods, alcoholic beverages or cigars (yes, really) are on an altar for them, but my friend is confident that he met the Lwa, felt their presence and saw them and spoke to them, on several occassions. He met a Mambo who told him that he had indeed made connection with the Lwa. I can't decide whether I feel cheated. Certainly, some of the things he told me about the Lwa, like the way he perceives them, matched the desciptions of my Houngan and how he told me he interacted with them (well, what he was allowed to tell me about how he interacted with them, as Vodou does indeed hold a lot of secrets)

My acquaintance also told me that he had spoken with the Orishas, again, using similar means (mainly derived from Spiritualist techniques) He told me that he offended a Santeria practitioner friend of his by saying things about the Orishas which his friend could not believe he would know about unless he had been initiated. I'm guessing his Santeria friend was also feeling cheated, he was probably thinking to himself "How can this guy know these things about the Orishas when he hasn't gone through any of the rigorous initiations and he couldn't even be bothered to build proper shrines or leave any offerings, or sing any songs?" The Santeria guy actually accused my acquaintance of having got this information out of a Santero as he could not possibly have known it first hand himself.

Again, my acquaintance's attitude of transcending cultural trappings came into the conversation when I asked him about his disregard for the traditional ritual procedures of the spirits he was seeking contact with. My acquaintance believes that if the initiate of Vodou or Santeria believes that a spirit can only be contacted properly if certain rituals are performed, or that the spirit will punish them if an offering is not given, then this will manifest. He feels that by choosing not to pay attention to these religious ideas (which he regards as quite enslaving to the practitioner) then connection with the spirits can still be gained and insights into their nature can be gleaned. In a sense, he has similarities with the Chaos magicians, in perceiving traditional ritual procedures from cultures as superfluous and unnecessary.

I've had a little think about all this, and whilst I do believe that it probably is possible for a person to contact one of the Lwa or the Orishas in their own way, going through the non traditional back door I suppose you could say, I still feel it is disrespectful to that tradition and indeed may be disrespectful to the spirits themselves. Who knows? They may get offended and decide to punish him when he hasn't presented them with any offerings of food or pretty things (in Vodou the Lwa are notorious for only doing something for the one serving them if a suitable amount of offerings are exchanged in return) My acquaintance believed that the psychic barrier protection methods he was using (presumably coming from his spiritualist background) were enough to protect him from their wilder natures. I hope for his sake that he is right!

In conclusion (and yes I appreciate that this whole entry has sounded like a rant) I just don't like this attitude that some occultists and practitioners have that "I know better" because I think it is patronising and disrespectful. The attitude of my acquaintance that he could work with the Lwa whilst at the same time deny everything of their cultural tradition and not bother to take the time to learn about Vodou properly or go through any training really wound me up! I understand his view that there are probably some ritual procedures which are not necessary, but a total disregard for it really does not sit well with me.

Random post - synchronicities.

On Friday night I saw a man wearing a very particular silver ring that I own and used to wear years ago, it isn't that common. Sunday afternoon I see a girl wearing the same ring.

Last week I got slightly addicted to SL (Second Life) and this evening a friend of mine sent me a link to the following video because she knows I love baldness and androgeny...(I used to be a very androgynous looking shaven headed creature)



A very beautiful song, and very beautiful woman, very 90's tune and totally up my street. I want to shave my hair off again now. She must have Pagan leanings also as I discovered she did a version of "Earth my body, water my blood...etc" for an album called Guru Mother. I did a search on the woman in the video, Kirsty Hawkshaw. First thing I find is her blog...in which she mentions SL frequently! I also remembered that her singing in this video was sampled in a song by Orbital called Halcyon;



I have loved this song for several years...so much so that I included it in an Imbolc rite in 2007. I arranged for the music to be played during a symbolic transformation of the Goddess into her maiden aspect, I thought the piece went well with the theme of Imbolc (one of my all time favourtie Sabbats celebrating the return of the light) It dawned on me that Imbolc is the next Sabbat. So now I have Imbolc on the mind and really looking forward to it.

In other news, I have been doing tons of Yoga (along with jogging, sit up and push ups) and i'm really feeling the benefit.

Dusting and cleaning out to make way for the new.

So I let the new year in with some friends of mine who live on the top floor of a pretty tall tower block. I'd get vertigo everytime I walked near the windows. Perhaps this is a sign of things to come for me in 2009 for I have some fears to face(oh yes, see what I did there?) I may attempt learning to drive this year, and I will be trying to put career plans into action, which, if successful, will result in me earning money through doing something I love (applying make-up on people...i'm a qualified make-up artist looking for professional work in this field) May sound strange to some people, but the idea of earning money through doing something I enjoy is a little scarey for me. I've never enjoyed the various miserable jobs i've held down over the years, plus I was raised by a very sensible Capricorn who always focuses on the probable in life. "Most people don't enjoy what they do for a living", "We all have to do things we don't want to in life, we just have to get on with it" Following one's dreams and believing that perhaps we really could make money from something fun that we loved and enjoyed, wasn't really encouraged. It only happened to a few rare individuals so probably wouldn't happen to me. It was not safe. I don't mean to complain about my upbringing though, I am very grateful for a lot.

A lot of people I know would have returned to their jobs today after the Christmas break. For me, however, the unstable position I have held in a small market research company, is proving to be...well, unstable. It looks like I don't have any work with them for the forseeable future, so it is time to look elsewhere. The free time has some advantages of course. I did some Yoga today and cleaned out my room (which doubles as a temple) I dusted down all of the deity statues. I dusted my Thoth, a little Horus, a few Isises, a White Tara bodhisattva, La Dama de Elche (tiny replica of a priestess/goddess bust found in Elche in Spain) a pewter Herne, a couple of Bast's, a Sekhmet, an Anubis, an Osiris, A roman inspired "Goddess of Spring" along with a few others. I performed a blessing and re-dedication of my Isis shrine. It was very informal. My shrine is very blue, i've replaced the burnt down blue candles with purple ones, anointed with geranium oil. I felt the need for purple as I thought it could symbolise my desire for a stronger spiritual connection to Isis because for too long now, my devotional work has been feeling a bit hollow and lacking and I really want that sense of presence to come back.

I will do some Chakra work tonight and will try to do this every night, along with my elemental sealing and a couple of other Craft related meditations.

I don't really have much else to report, so I thought I would leave you all with a video I made recently of a walk I often take. It's my local park. I added music too!