Isian conversations

So, Isis has inspired me to write this entry. So often when we commune with deities in meditation and prayer we find those words of wisdom slipping away like the remnants of a dream and it is important to catch the words and make a record. I have lost track of the amount of times that I have found myself thinking "Oh, i'll write this all down tomorrow, i'm ready for bed now" or, "Well i'll definitely remember that"

Tonight as I lit my blue lantern and my purple candles on the Isis shrine and spoke the words of the Prayer of Awakening, Her voice came through almost instantly. It was gentle and it was coming from behind me. I gazed at the swirling motion of the incense smoke rising up to my bedroom ceiling, watching the smoke waft around, over and through the brass cobra candlesticks, "As that smoke swirls around and envelopes those candlesticks, so I envelope you" She told me. I know it sounds twee, but on occassion I don't think it hurts to repeat some of these things. I've also been told that I need to relax more. I suffered a pretty awful panic attack over the weekend which took me almost an hour to get through. I focused on my breathing and sat it through. It's odd how these panic attacks occassionally take hold of me, they started about a year ago and up until that point, pretty much everyone I know thinks I am one of the most relaxed and placid people they've ever met. I've practised meditation for years and could always get myself into a state of deep relaxation pretty quickly. Maybe I have taken it for granted and not been so diligent in my meditation and breathing exercises and I am being reminded of the importance of it and being forced in this way to get back into the habit. The panic attacks, I fear, are a result of the brief drug phase of my life, but as those days are over, I hope that my panic attacks will be at some point too.

I was also told tonight that I am on the right path in terms of career. I have had some photoshoot opportunities come my way recently. I have one tomorrow infact which I had been feeling a little nervous about (one of the reasons I felt like I needed a chat) This is going to sound really twee again (and gay) but She told me that every woman whose face I make up, is a face of Her (I know Isis has been keen on being a representation of ALL women...at least, this is what some occultists and mystics have said of Her in the past) In a sense, every face I decorate is an act of devotion to Her. Isis likes to be striking and to command attention with Her beauty. I am on the right path, as long as I keep going with the work I am doing, I will one day succeed at crafting a career for myself out of this. I feel like one of the roles I have been birthed into this incarnation for is to decorate people and make them strikingly beautiful.

Last night I listened to T. Thorn Coyle's latest podcast. I love her podcasts. The latest one is a discussion from the Pantheacon convention - "On Deity: In this special podcast from Pantheacon, Thorn, Diana Paxson, Lon Milo Duquette, Christopher Penczak and Ivo Dominguez Jr discuss the "The Non-Dual, Polytheism and Contemporary Magic(k): Is the Divine zero, one, many, none, or all of the above?" Interesting stuff. I know it sounds like the kind of discussion topic which could go on for hours and never conclude but I got quite a lot out of it. I like Thorn's view of the Divine Zero and also what she said about the "specifics" of communion with deity. I have been reminded of this myself tonight. I think Isis loves me to talk to Her and I need to do it more often, throughout the day infact. I pray throughout the day to the Gods of the Wicca, but it is usually for generic blessings and protection rather than "What should I do about this?" or any other specific questions. So, getting more specific with Isis is something I am now putting into practise more.

And lastly, Isis got specific with me about my dietary habits. I'm going to need to have a proper think about what she has asked me to do about that though.